I believe submission is viewed wrongly by most people.
Submission is not needed continously. Submission is needed when there is a disagreement between us. We are to love and serve each other like God loves and serves us.
We were made equal in God’s eyes, but with different roles and responsibilities.
WIVES are to submit to their OWN husbands (not to any and all men).
When a disagreement arrise in marriage, God’s requirement is not that the wife doesn’t speak her mind and say how she feels. But it is to submit the final decision to the husband. Why did God do this?
TO PROTECT THE WIFE!
The responsibility of decisions in marriage, is what God wants on the husband’s shoulders. That means thinking that submission works both ways, does not make sense. Who will make the decision?
If we are submissive wives when we disagree, and our husbands make wrong decisions, we need to trust GOD who said we must submit, that He is working on our husbands and that He might be teaching them a lesson that we will be thankful for down the road.
When a wife continously submit with a gentle attitude, the husband will feel much more responsibility to make the right decision. When a wife submits with a “fine!” disrespectful attitude, a husband overtime might become passive and won’t make any decisions, which will also frustrate the wife.
Submission to my husband starts with me submitting to God.
(2 things I believe we should never submit to: getting involved in sin with our husbands and obviously any criminal activity.)
“Submission is ‘ducking low enough so God can touch your husband.” (Lysa TerKeurst, Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires)
We can all give advice or ideas on what sex in marriage should look like, but unless we turn to the Word of God, it will only be our opinions.
So what does the Bible say about sex in marriage?
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Let’s look at this passage. I’ll start with V2… (You are welcome to read the entire chapter.)
V2: Because we have a natural sexual desire, we must get married and have our own husbands or wives.
V3: When you get married, you OWE your spouse sexual affection DUE to them. It is DUE to them in God’s eyes! God is the One Who created us with the desire to have sex. Some have a bigger desire than others. That desire is still supposed to be fulfilled in marriage. The thing is, you can render affection with a bad attitude – as if you are doing him/her a favor and you hate doing it – or you can do in a way that show them your love and affection. If your spouse knows that you had a rough day, but still give yourself in love to him/her, not only will it do something in their hearts, but you will be serving God. What?? Serving God by having sex with my spouse? Yes! (I’ll explain this at the end of this note.)
V4: When you say “I do”, God gives your body to your spouse FOR the purpose of sexual pleasure. Your body, according to God’s Word, belongs to your spouse and their’s belongs to you. Yes, when both spouses obey God’s Word, it will always be easier to be married and to serve and take care of one another in this way. I don’t pretent that it is always easy, because sin is part of this world we live in.
V5: We are sinning if we disobey God’s Word, even this verse! We are sinning if we deprive one another. If there is an excuse, the Bible says it must be for fasting and prayer only. Why? Why does God not want us to deprive one another of sex? BECAUSE SATAN IS WATCHING! And he will send temptation above what our spouses can bear, if we deprive them.
My friend, before we get married, satan is there with the temptation of sex and very few people can hold out until their wedding night. And then, when we are married, satan attempts to destroy our marriagebed again. Why? Why is he so focussed on messing up sex?
Because sex is holy between husband and wife! God chose to describe it in the original Hebrew language, with the word “ECHAD” (husband and wife becoming one) – the same word He uses to describe His own Holiness and Oneness as Father, Son and Holy Spirit! When I am rendering sexual affection to my spouse in a beautiful loving way, that moment is holy! Sex is not just with our bodies! It is with our spirits as well. That’s why people who have multiple sex partners have soulties.
I know because of sin, many marriages are struggling in this area. But God’s Word and His Will for us never changes and it is the only way that works.
Give yourself in love to your spouse. Obey God.